A Writing Career - A Short Essay

 

My biggest problem in trying to have a paying writing career is that I am probably my own worst enemy. I change my mind about books too often, I redo the covers way too much, I can't seem to let well enough alone and move on with new projects. It's a painful situation.

I've often thought I was on the autism spectrum or I have ADHD. I rarely write books longer than 200 pages because it starts to wear on me once I pass that number. But readers usually want longer books so they skip mine.

I prefer to write screenplays. I’ve had some near misses in that field: a possible option here; an interested producer there. But I have given up on that dream so many times it’s pathetic. I always come back to it, though. Why? BECAUSE I LOVE MOVIES! They are what keep me sane in an insane world!

Sometimes I think, if I could, I'd spend the rest of my days creating beautiful picture books - but I can't draw well enough to do that.

I'd be in paradise writing song lyrics all day but I've never had the music in me, just the words, and I don't work well, collaborating with others, so...

I keep writing because it's what I do. I've never not written, even when I was little I was always making up stories for my dolls to act out.

I don't know why I'm writing this here. It's very depressing. But I need to express myself when I'm feeling lost. It helps to put the misery into words, and - maybe - it'll help some other disheartened writer to realize they are not alone.